Hello Humans

Hello Humans! 

I haven't been feeling myself lately. The reason I share this today is that you only ever really hear from me when I am feeling positive, motivated, and/or in a good mood. When I am feeling down on myself, or just having a "bad day", I generally stay away from people. You are people, my people, you are the people that I reach out to or hide from. Depending on how I am feeling that day or days that run concurrently to other bad days, determines if I write or just keep in touch with others so that they may have someone "out in the world" that cares. This is actually therapy for me, writing about my story and reading about others' stories. 

I have been an author since I was 9, and writing poetry was my escape. By putting the words on paper, it somehow makes me feel like I have released some stress. It had kept my mind busy enough to get through the situation I was dealing with at such a young age. So, also at a young age, I realized I wanted to become an author. However, I didn't publish anything publicly until 2003. Which was a poem that is published in a coffee table book entitled, "Musings Of The Soul". I am very proud of that, I did give up any monetary allowances, just to get my work out there and to see if others wanted more.

I sometimes doubt myself and my ability to conquer my dream of becoming a published author. I have been given enough praise from my followers to keep going. Even with the ups and downs of working on my mental health, I still somehow keep chugging along. AKA-A work in progress.

I turned off comments on most of my blog posts because I can't handle the negativity that always seems to make its way to the most positive of things. So, if you are wondering, that is why. The downfall to that is the guidance of knowing what people want to read from me and the mediocre stuff that you all would rather I didn't write.

I keep up better with my Facebook page: Stop Suicide One Stigma At A Time

Like & Follow Only if you really do find some good in it. Thank you in advance. 

Peace & Positive Vibes

My Advocacy page is: FaceBook SSOSAAT

FaceBook SSOSAAT 

YouTube

Thank you for staying. Today might not be so fun... But let's stick around to see what tomorrow brings. 

Sometimes They Are Right In Front Of Us!

Good Findings To You All.

Sometimes we search for things; in life. We search for some sort of fulfillment. We sometimes feel like we are reaching and searching for something that we are missing. Or we think we are missing something tangible. For many months, off and on, I remember searching. I wished I had this and thought I needed something else. 

Sometimes They Are Right In Front Of Us! 

But, truly it was there, right there in front of me the whole time. I just didn't know how to use it. We are just wasting energy worrying about the "what if's" and the "but if only"... Forget all that!  

You cannot change the past! 

You can only move forward. There are no such things as time machines, so, we have to forgive ourselves. Yes, I said it, forgive ourselves and move past the "what if's and the "should haves" "could haves". You need to erase them from your vocabulary. They will weigh you down and beat you down until you feel like you can no longer get up.

My own self conscious was holding me back. I cannot blame others for where I am or even where I am not, in my life. I could blame it on many people and nothing will change. Or I can admit that I am where I am today, because of the decisions and choices that I have made. The best things in life are free; you just have to be willing to see them.

"WE CREATE IT ALL".

I disagreed with this statement when I first read it in a college success class. It was the very first chapter. And it was the best class I have ever taken. I have had to practice what I preach and made a few upsets along the way. I wasn't easily convinced that my problems weren't to blame on say my parents, my ex-boyfriends, my friends (at the time); I didn't really get what that meant until I finally believed it; that WE create it ALL. All of our actions create a reaction, that reaction creates the next course of events, and so on.

It wasn't my parent's fault that I didn't go to college right after high school, that was totally my choice. In fact, they both encouraged me to do the exact opposite of what I did do.

My point is that we must accept the blame for what goes both wrong and right in our lives because our good choices affect us as much, if not more than our bad choices in life. Just something to gnaw on when you feel like blaming or being mad at someone for something going wrong in your life. If we just accept it, then make the necessary adjustments to fix things. But, we need a balance as to not bring on guilt for making said poor choices. There isn't anything you can do to change history; however, you can learn from it and choose to make better decisions in the future. 

Be careful not to say things that you don't want to be set in stone. Words can tear through a persons soul.

Thank You for reading until the end.

Our Loss

What Are The Signs Of A Suicidal Person?

From both a personal and not so personal experience; I have found these are some of the signs of someone contemplating suicide; this may include or exclude- any of these or maybe none of these...

What Are Some Of The Warning Signs For Suicide?

• Losing interest in their once favorite things to do.
• If a person suddenly starts calling into work; "sick", repeatedly.

• Obvious Lack of making any plans for future.

• A normally outgoing personality; suddenly becomes withdrawn and isolating themselves.

• Turning to a crutch, such as alcohol- or hard drugs.

• Not being able to pull one's self out of "FUNK".

• Talking about wanting; to die or to kill oneself.

• Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online or buying a gun.

• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.

• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.

• Talking about being a burden to others.

• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.

• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.

• Sleeping too little or too much.

• Withdrawing or feeling isolated.

• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.

• Displaying extreme mood swings.

The following paragraph of information is a word for word copy and paste from URL: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp.aspx

The following signs may mean someone is at risk for suicide. 

***The risk of suicide is greater if a behavior is new or has increased and if it seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. 

If you or someone you know exhibits any of these signs, 

seek help as soon as possible by calling the Lifeline at:

 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Helpful Hints and Links:

Find a Therapist or Support Group

Speaking to a therapist or attending a support group can help you work through your grief and improve your overall mental health. The following resources can help you find a psychologist, psychiatrist or support group near you.

Create a Safety Plan

Having a plan in place that can help guide you through difficult moments can make a difference and keep you safe.

Watch Stories of Hope and Recovery

Told through the voices of these individuals, their families, and the professionals in their support network, each inspiring story recounts one person's journey from a suicide attempt to the life of hope and recovery he/she is leading today.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

End copy and paste from http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp.aspx 

Thank you for the honor of spreading awareness and hopefully prevention of suicide from the use of your information.

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September is Suicide Awareness Month! 
Each And Every Moment; SHOULD BE!

In my opinion; each and every month, every day, of each and every hour; should be the time to create awareness for the lonely and depressed. 

And if you don't know what to do for them: 

Call:
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

They are there especially for this!
You can even call and get advice that is relevant specifically to your situation. 

Unless you have lost a loved one to suicide, I don't believe you will ever fully understand the loss; a complete void in your life that will always be there. 
I wouldn't want anyone to be in these [my] shoes...
 This is why I vent publicly, I don't want anyone to ever have to go through this mind-boggling type of loss. We as mothers should never have to go through this type of pain. 

Like all of us who love Tavin so very much and miss him deeply and daily! I also lost my Dear Mother to suicide. It has been two of the most gut-wrenching pain from guilt and regrets, I have ever had to face.

My eldest son Tavin (who took his own life on Sept.12th, 2010) About 3 months before that, asked me to look on the calendar and see what day Sept 12th fell on... When I told him it would be a Sunday and that it was also Grandparent's day; he simply replied: "oh ok, better yet; thank you." 
So I asked him, "why are you asking, Son?" He just replied, "Oh, no reason really. I was just wondering." Very calm and with great confidence in his voice. Did I mention he was doing the dishes for me (w/o asking him to)? Once he had finished them up, he gave me a great big hug and kiss, and told me he loved me very much. And he was going to his room to record (work on recording and mixing his music); little did I know; he was recording his suicide songs (letters).

There were other things said by him that I feel foolish now that those words, didn't register more Red Flags at the time.

And I'm not just bragging about his intelligence that he was blessed with (maybe I helped too) with a very high IQ and was born with more talent than anyone in our immediate family. He mentioned feeling uncomfortable because he felt like he was surrounded by simpletons and just couldn't get a grip on the real struggle of what we call "Mental Illness" or the Lack of Mental Wellness.

Here is a picture of one of my greatest achievements as well as, one of my greatest losses... 
My eldest Son; Tavin W. M. Jarrard also know as numerous other aliases, but most famously known for Toby and/or Sir T! 
There will be rumors and whispers, even this blog will bring about negativity and haters. 
I am hoping that with the negative conversations, there will also be some positive sparks of conversation on the subject of suicide. And families will open up and talk about what is bothering them; before they nearly explode or the possibility of an implosion (suicide).

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

I lost more than just my eldest son; I lost a part of me that was a confident mother, I lost a part of my heart and soul which has affected everything I now say and do. Nearly every day, I seem to find yet another way to self destruct.  
I am NOT rambling on for sympathy; but rather to possibly spare another Mother the heartbreak that comes from losing a child/young adult.

It doesn't help any one's life to take out an important equation of the family pie. Killing yourself is not an answer; it is just now someone else's (many others) problems and pain. Do you really want to put your Mother, Father, Brothers  Sisters, and/or Friends through that type of pain? God could have it planned to take you tomorrow; I believe there is more dignity in dying by God's hand than by my own. I am very grateful that my attempts were unsuccessful.

My son struggled for years... you say why didn't I help him; I did, it was a constant worry and thought. He was so determined to be successful, he would hide many things from many people, to be sure he was not going to be stopped.




You need to fight the disease of depression...
not the person dealing with it.

If you know someone that talks about suicide (or is taking actions of hurting themselves),  then you must tell someone that loves them as well. 
Sometimes I believe those of us who do suffer from mental illness such as depression; get the backlash of the stigmas! Unless you have felt the same way a person that has depression or suffers from some other mental disorders; you will have your opinions, but, are you part of the solution or are you part of the problem?
When you talk to someone that has such a frame of mind that just doesn't seem right, or they have straight up told you they were thinking of or planning their own demise, and you don't know how to help them: 
EDUCATE Yourself; 
Call the Hotline for them!

If you don't tell someone else, you stand a chance of losing that person. Maybe you don't believe them or they have asked you not to say anything, this should form an urgency for deeper probing into the subject.
It is serious and chances are they probably aren't lying to you. My guess is if they are talking about it, they either want help (to be saved) or they wouldn't be talking about it so much. 




Fellow parents, watch for long sleeves in the summer (to cover the cutting), look out for sad writings and/or eerie drawings; listen to the music that may or not be your genre. Get to know your child inside and out! If you are unsure or they won't talk to you about anything other then school, find someone they will relate with! 
You might end up being an unlikely hero to them. However, be careful not to constantly interrupt them with "your own opinion" on the subject; they will never find you really "open". I know as loving parents, we mean well with our advice, and we may think they aren't listening; but don't be fooled they are. 
So, be careful what you have them hear!  
Even if you are close and have talked about the subject of suicide, you are still in need of staying on your toes. 
Don't ever get too confident that "My child would Never do that"!

I hope that everyone makes a difference in their friend's lives. Even if it is a phone call to check in on them. To let them know you are thinking about them, perhaps send them a quick card or even an e-mail
Just knowing there is someone out there thinking about you and they take the time to let you know gives some reassurance that someone does in fact care.

You may not be able to ever stop a troubled soul that is determined to kill themselves; however, if you at least try... you will not have as many regrets; that will surely haunt you forever. 

If it is more serious then you can handle (they are in serious turmoil); then it is time to call in the professionals.

 I hope Tavin's friends; as well as, all of you reading this, have learned from this loss and the events that have flipped mine and everyone who knew my Tavin, worlds upside down and all around.
Much Love and Peace to all you who cared about our AWESOME Tavin; and to those of you who have absolutely no idea who I am, I wish you well also. And I hope you never have to endure this type of painful grief. 

September 8th-14th is National Suicide Awareness   

In my opinion, I feel It should be National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Week Day; EVERY DAY! ...

Starting Now To Infinity... 

I would like to encourage everyone that if you think someone is in need of a friend to talk to, I would encourage you to take ACTION! 

Sometimes all that is required of you is to take the time to listen; as well as, understand them and what they are going through.

Just knowing someone cares enough to listen; can be just enough to get them through until they can seek counseling, and or see a professional. 

If I have to endure this pain and grief; maybe to be proof to Mother's and Father's out there, that there is life after love and loss. Maybe this is my purpose. I feel that I have read stories of survival and thought, "oh my God How?" And then it happened to me... 
My "How" had names; Coty and Sommer. They needed me now, more than ever. It wasn't overnight by any means, but with time I focused on them and their needs. Almost too much catering, however, I was lucky enough to nip it in the bud before they had a chance to make that behavior a habit.

There are numerous reputable sites full of awesome advice: On Signs Of A Suicidal Person:
 HelpGuide.org 
The National Institute Of Mental Health: 
nimh.nih.gov/
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
save.org/

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

afsp.org/

May you be guided by light in your daily life.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Call 911

Call a suicide/prevention crisis hotline

(800-784-2433 or 800-273-8255)

◦ Assistance if you are deaf or hearing impaired? (800-799-4TTY)

◦ Para Obtener Asistencia en español, lame al (888-628-9454)

Veteran? Call 800-273-8255. Press “1” to reach the VA hotline

Go to a hospital emergency room!

God Bless, Peace and Passion in all that you do!